When people ask me Is Divorce The Solution For Marital Problems? My answer is always a big resounding no unless you have tried all means and ways to save your marriage.
I feel that most couples lack the courage to tackle the problems together and divorce is just an easy way out and quick fix to get out of the sticky situation.
Let’s look at some of the reasons that caused marital problems and what are some ways that you can tackle it.
What Are The Primary Reasons for Marital Problems?
Marriage is referred to as an ‘institution’ for a reason. It needs patience, human effort and maintenance, in order for it to grow and mature.
It is like a baby that needs to be nurtured correctly and whose future depends entirely on how you choose to. Having frictions with your partner along the way is quite obvious. However, it is how you tackle these marital problems is what is important.
Basic Steps That Can Be Followed:
There are a few key decisions that one must take, in order to ensure long term happiness, these are mentioned below
- Getting married is just one step in the complete process. Most people think that the journey is over once they are married. However, they fail to realize that things just got more interesting, since, they just started on the second phase of life’s journey. This step needs care, love and minute attention, which were originally required while dating.
- After marriage, your life can either take a turn for better or for worse, depending on how you choose to live it. Your decisions play a major role in this process, as does the way you treat your partner. Temptation is the most common problem in a relationship. Hence, try and stay away from temptations of any sort.
- Are you in the marriage for keeps, or is it just a limited time feeling? Once you are able to answer this question successfully, you will be able to work on your marriage. Divorce is the last resort and must not be considered as an option.
- If you feel that you are stuck with your partner, your marriage has already reached its end. Your marriage depends on the way you handle situations.
Fighting Is Quite Common
There is not a single couple on earth that never fights. If you are facing marital problems, it is because you are a normal couple, with normal problems.
A couple can create happiness together, only if they want that to happen. A marriage must stay within two people and both partners need to understand that unnecessarily involving additional people can never be helpful.
Points to Ponder
A marital bond consists mainly of emotional bonding, as the physical attraction will prevail for the maximum of a decade, post which, you will either be too tired or bored to bond physically.
Hence, choose your partner wisely, as you will be required to spend the remaining part of your entire life with him/her. Most people fail to understand this basic ideology, which in turn results in numerous problems. Economical issues play havoc in any relationship. Hence, it is the duty of both partners to ensure stability in their lives.
Unforeseen problems can occur anytime. Be supportive of your partner in every situation, good or bad. Motivation plays a major role in helping one build up self-confidence, which in turn is very important in stabilizing one’s career or lifestyle. Following these simple steps will help you get over marital problems. Do not make each other’s lives difficult and cooperate in every way possible.
Basic Tips to Successfully Tackle Most Marital Problems
Difficulties are bound to creep up at some point of time during your marriage. However, it is the way in which you tackle these marital problems, is important. There are a few tips that both partners need to keep in mind, to figure out a quick solution for most situations.
Fighting Is a Basic Part of Human Nature!
Firstly, both of you need to agree with the universal truth that arguing is very common and part of the human nature. Hence, having problems post marriage is not really a big deal, as it proves that your relationship is healthy and has something worth fighting for.
Try to keep your anger and excitement in check while arguing, making sure to not say things that you might regret later.
If there are unresolved issues between the two of you, make sure to sort them out when in a good mood. Every problem has a solution, if you search hard enough, hence, do not delay any tough situation. You are not single anymore.
Hence, both of your interests play an equally important role, in keeping the marriage alive. Give your partner’s decisions and choices precedence over yours and you are bound to find solace. This cannot be a one sided effort, hence, a mutual agreement is essential.
Never Aggravate The Situation!
If you are already in a fight, make sure to not aggravate the situation than it already is. It never helps, but, worsens every situation. Treat your partner with dignity and respect, even if you think he/she does not deserve it. Never be judgmental, as an angry mind construes up its own felonies.
Both of you are mature individuals. Hence, it is very natural for both to have differences in opinion. Both should respect each other’s decisions and choices and strive to sacrifice and adjust to the needs of the other. When in doubt and anger, think about the good moments that you both have spent together and think about the original reason why you decided to get married in the first place.
Think of All the Good Memories You Have Shared Together!
Pleasant memories will most definitely relieve you of all anger and instil some sense into you. Both partners must connect on some points, try to focus on these. Every married couple has marital problems, some big, some small.
There is no reason for you to worry about these issues, as they will keep surfacing every once in a while. It is your role to ensure that these situations never get ugly, or out of control.
Both partners need their personal space, even after marriage. Do not try and invade this freedom, as this is the root cause of most marital problems.
Ending a relationship is very easy while fighting for it together needs extra care, love and understanding. It is sad to see most couples opt for the easy way out of this situation and this is primarily because they find nothing to fight for. Couples should never give up on one another, although, exceptional situations are always present!
According to a new study, people who look at the past through rose-tinted glasses are happier than those who focus on negative past experiences and regrets. The findings suggest that persons with certain personality traits are happier than others because of the way they think about their past, present and future.
What Are The Ways To Overcome Marital Problems?
Marital problems are a part of most relationships and it is a sign that both partners are trying the best they can. This occurs due to numerous reasons, the most basic of which is lack of communication. Communication is a very broad term which needs to be defined clearly, in order to understand it in detail. Misunderstanding your partner is very common, hence, sort things out before it goes out of hand.
Getting the Basics Right!
Understanding each other’s point of view is very important and must not be taken lightly in any way. Most relationships fail, as either partner is misunderstood constantly, to a point till he/she breaks apart. This is never a good situation to be in. Try and control your situation, before it aggravates to this extreme condition. You might consider sharing your story with a keen person. However, do not be fooled, as the person is just looking for entertainment.
Most people do not care about you or your problems. They are just looking for cheap entertainment, at your expense. Do not be fooled by such acts of kindness and friendly behavior. Trust a few and share your stories with even fewer. A relationship is between two people and it needs to stay the same way, in order for it to be successful.
Place Yourself in Your Spouse’s Shoes
To truly understand another person, we must be willing to see the world from their perspective. Your behavior depends hugely on your youth and growing up days as well.
For example, if your parents were loud people, you might have caught up to that trend. Upbringing is a very important part of a child’s growth, which affects his/her future and relationships immensely.
Do not try and replicate everything that you have learnt at home, on your partner. Take lessons from the most important activities and situations that you might have witnessed as a child or teen.
People, who have seen domestic violence during their childhood, tend to duplicate the situations as well. Drop your old baggage and learn to pick up new things in life. Life teaches us something new every day, take part in these events, to grow as an individual.
Live Life to the Fullest!
Keeping expectations and seeing them failing every time, is another painful and a major reason for most marital problems. Even though it is easy to suggest not keeping expectations, in reality, this is not helpful. Never have preconceived images of what a post married life could be like. Take every day as it presents itself and live life, a single moment at a time. Building up a stable relationship is the responsibility of both partners and it should stay this way, for best results.
Resentments kill off a relationship easier than they form. They act as slow poison, killing off everything that you might value in life. Love, mutual respect and trust are sure to fall prey to resentment over time, if you do not act now! Unspoken resentments are the deadliest of this lot, eating up a relationship, without people being aware. Resentments are created over time and each person is individually responsible for that happening.
All Problems Have Suitable Solutions
Figure out the part that you played in this and strive to work out a suitable solution. Try and focus on the situation and your part to improve it, rather than blaming the other people for it. Resentment also minimizes communication in a couple. This is the root cause of all problems. Maybe you have been treated in a similar manner by someone in the past and want your current partner to witness the same feeling.
It is cruel and totally uncalled for. Marital problems can be of various types and need to be classified, before suitable solutions are available. Loss of respect for your partner could take a toll on the relationship. You need to be healed mentally, before being able to take on the responsibility of your partner. A relationship is a huge responsibility and needs to be treated with love care and affection.
Controlling Your Temptations
Infidelity is another major reason for most breakups nowadays. Temptations have always been a part of our lives and have caused numerous rifts in relationships over time. If you are not satisfied with your present partner and would not like to try to sort things out, just let them know before you leave or worse still, keep them waiting. Owning up to your decisions and standing up from them is not that difficult and proves true character.
Always remember that you are not perfect. There are better beings than you on this planet, yet your partner chose to remain with you. It is your responsibility to understand this situation and not give in to temptations. Relationships are known to have healed from very dark corners. Couples ready to have their divorce legalized, are known to have gotten back together successfully, better than ever. This is not a result of black magic or miracle, but simply because two people wanted to live together, no matter what.
Your relationship has a strong chance of survival if you are willing to go the extra mile, in order to revive it. Marital problems can be of various types and can strike at any time. You need to be wary of its presence and ready to work when needed, to get rid of all differences.
If you plan on doing the needful, you are bound to enjoy a blissful marriage. Both partners are equally responsible for keeping their marriage alive. The institution breaks the very moment, one decides to forego the needful. Spending quality time together is very important, and an integral part of your responsibility, as a spouse.
Humans have their own shortcomings and this is exactly what keeps us going. You are not perfect and neither is your spouse, but, these shortcomings are exactly what keeps the relationship alive.
Learn to live with them and fill in for these. There are numerous tips online that could help you solve all marital problems, although, all these are useless, until you stand up and decide to do something about the situation here.