Marriage is different compared to 20 years ago. More than 50% of marriages end up in a divorce in current society. Why is it so different compared to 20 years ago? How do we keep our marriage alive?
The fact is that relationships in dating or marriage are tough. It is never a smooth sailing journey. Marriage problems do occur and it takes 110% commitment from both sides to make it work out. The most puzzling question of all is why people divorce after 15-20 years of marriage.
The following are 19 possible reasons couples divorce after a long marriage:
- Lack of Gratitude
- Body Language
- Sharing The Same Hobby Or Activity
- Unfulfilled Desires
- Not Starting Over
- Schedule Time
- Lack Of Touch
- Personal Space
- Filter Talk
- Secret Getaway
- Special Greeting
- Split The Responsibility
- Be Yourself
When you are single, you thought that you would be happy once you get married. Once you got married, you realize that being single is a luxury after all. Why do most couples encounter marriage problems when they are doing fine before marriage?
This is like choosing a car. You choose the model, design, color, features that you believe is best for you. After a few years, you are considering changing to a bigger one or one with more features. However, it is too late to change it now. You would choose to keep your car and make it work. This is the same as marriage. you have to overcome the challenges and make it work since you have already made the decision.
Let’s delve in further detail on what causes divorce after 15 – 20 years
Lack of gratitude
A lot of people start to take their spouse for granted after marriage. They expect their spouse to change to a better person after marriage which put stress on the relationship. Having a sense of gratitude makes you realize a lot of things. At least your spouse is still breathing, that is a blessing.
Your spouse does not have any bad habits like smoking, gambling or drinking, that is a blessing. Before we think that how bad our life is, there are a lot of people in the world that are in the worst state than you but happier. Learn how to say thank you and be appreciative for what your spouse has done for you on a daily basis.
The belief in your marriage is very important. You have to believe that your marriage will grow stronger and stronger. The love and passion would last throughout a lifetime. The biggest problem for most couples especially those that are married for less than 5 years is they give up too easily.
They refuse to believe their relationship will work out and divorce is actually the easy way out. The moment you or your spouse stops believing, that signals the end of the marriage. A strong belief in your relationship is a foundation for your marriage, while some might be happier after divorce.
Celebrate all the important days every year with your partner. This can include Valentine’s day, Birthdays, Anniversaries. These celebrations are important as they set a new milestone in your relationship. These are important days to have some ‘we’ time together.
Most couples made the mistake that after getting married, a lot of activities can be minimized as we are already staying and seeing each other every day. There are no reasons to celebrate like the past. Taking things for granted is one of the main causes of marriage problems over the long run ending in divorce in most cases[Related Article: 10 Things You Should Never Do In A Marriage]
Communication is one of the most important tools in a marriage. Express how you feel to your partner or spouse instead of keeping it to yourself. Do not expect that your spouse can guess what you are thinking.
Explain to each other why are you reacting this way and how can we resolve any issue that appears. This would gradually strengthen your relationship as no unhappiness is being kept in the heart. Great communication with your partner would reduce the number of marriage problems you will face in your lifetime.
It is important to notice the body language for your spouse. They may seem perfectly normal but their body language may show a different story.
The tone of their voice may also be different than normal. All these are signs that they are unhappy about recent events. It is time to sit down and talk about it and prevent the situation to snowball and escalate into something worst in the future. It pays to be observant about what is happening in the household.
Sharing The Same Hobby Or Activity
We may not share the same interest or hobby with our partner. However, we can learn to accept and understand what they love to do. The best is to consider having the same hobbies or interests as them.
For example, your partner loves to travel. You can research on places of interests in the world and bring him/her there. He/she would be pleasantly surprised and very happy. In this way, you both would have a common topic to talk about.
Most relationships become stale and boring because the couple does not share the same interest. Sometimes, one party may even be forced to give up his/her interest or hobby just to pacify the other half which is ridiculous.
Everyone has their own passion or interests in life, basic respect must be given to your partner even if you don’t share the same interest. Unless your partner indulges in bad hobbies like drinking, drug abuse, gambling, then that would be a totally different story.
Unfulfilled desires is another common reason that causes marriage problems. In these instances, men do not want to end their relationship with their girlfriend or wife. In fact, they may truly love their significant other, it’s just that their desires aren’t being fulfilled.
All individuals, including both men and women, have sexual desires. If those desires aren’t being met at home, they may turn elsewhere. Aside from the sexual standpoint and the act of cheating, these types of men often have otherwise healthy relationships at home
Not Starting Over
Marriage problems start to occur when couples tend to feel their marriage become dull and boring. Sit down and have a conversation with your partner. Discuss what you have done in the initial stages of the relationship which makes it so exciting and new.
Make a commitment to start all over again and create the same exciting moments like the past. Forgive and forget the past and focus on the beautiful future ahead.[Related Article: 4 Main Causes Of Marriage Failure That Increase Divorce Rates]
No matter how busy you are at work, you have to schedule valuable time for your partner. Marriage problems do occur when your partner felt that she is alone. Organize your time. Set up 2 hours of your time for her on a daily basis. Just like scheduling a time in the calendar, set a daily appointment with your partner.
Lack Of Touch
When is the last time you have kissed or hug your spouse in the morning? This simple gesture would actually brighten up their day and strengthen your relationship. Lack of touch may make your spouse feel unimportant and in the long run damage your marriage relationship
It is not necessary that you only buy gifts or surprise your partner during special occasions. Do it on normal days. Buy flowers or eat together at a restaurant with nice ambience. Occasional surprises keep your marriage from being dull and boring. Send your partner love quotes like what you have done during dating days.
Even though you are married, it doesn’t mean that you can’t have your own personal space. Allow your partner to go out with their friends even if they are of the opposite sex. If you can’t even trust your partner, you will face a lot of marriage problems along the road.
Remember that doing things like checking his/her phone or controlling their time just shows a lack of trust and confidence in the marriage
Talk about everything under the sun during breakfast or after work. Ask questions liked ‘ How is your day today?’ Listen to your partner unravel the daily activities that have happened. Always provide a listening ear and show care and concern.
The problem with marriage is that gradually it became a routine. Most marriage problems occur when it becomes routine. Both of you gets bored and wants a cheap thrill out of this house. Challenge yourself to break the daily routine of your marriage. Visit the place where you 1st started dating. Travel to some romantic islands on earth.
When is the last time you spend some time together without the kids or in-laws? The problem with most families is that once they have kids, they forgot about spending some alone time with each other. Find a place to get away from the hustles of the city.
Let your in-laws help to take care of the kids of a short while. They will love the company of the grandchildren anyway. It can be in the woods, or a short holiday at a beach resort. Arrange and spend some great time with your partner at least once a month.
Change the way you address your spouse. You can use words like babe or honey or other words that flatter him/her. Reignite the passion again.
A lot of us made the mistake of listening just for the sake of responding. Whenever there is a quarrel, always listen and absorb before responding. This would prevent a lot of miscommunication and marriage problems from escalating to divorce after many years.
Split The Responsibility
If you are staying in the household, never push the responsibility to one party. For example, insisting housework or taking care of the kids should only be done by the wife. This is a sure way to increase the chances of quarrelling and marriage problems. The best way is to share responsibility and enjoy the process together.
You don’t have to change yourself for the sake of your partner. The best long-term couples in the world accept each other differences and look at their strengths. Respect that each individual is different and these differences make the world beautiful. It would be boring if everyone behaves the same, including your partner.