After announcing she'd be performing on "American Idol" Wednesday and debuting a brand new single, Paula Abdul is also baring her soul. The singer and "Idol" judge opens up to Ladies' Home Journal about her 12-year-long addiction to painkillers.
"I could have killed myself," she says in the interview. She also reveals how hard it was for her to detox, which began over a Thanksgiving stay at the La Costa Resort and Spa in Carlsbad, California.
In the interview, Abdul says the withdrawal was the "worst thing." "I was freezing cold, then sweating hot, then chattering and in so much pain," she said. "It was excruciating. But at my very core, I did not like existing the way I had been."
She also says she's never filmed an episode of "Idol" while under the influence and also that she's never used illegal drugs. She used a patch on herself that delivered a pain medication she claims was 80 times more potent than morphine, as well as muscle relaxers.
In 2005, she was diagnosed with reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome as a result of her various injuries, including dancing and cheerleading injuries, as well as those sustained from a 1992 car crash and a 1993 plane crash which required no less than 15 spinal surgeries.
She has not used pain medication since Thanksgiving and is now planning to relaunch her music career with a new album in the Fall, her first in over 14 years. She will perform on "Idol" for the first time ever on Wednesday's live show.